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Depression
is Depression
is when you can't sleep and you get so bored
looking at your roof, that you spend weeks
nights contemplating what to do with it only to
find that you wouldn't have enough determination
to do it.
depression isn't always suicide.
depression is ovbious to only yourself. suicide
is ovbious to everyone.
depression is, and always will be, my, and many
others, mays of life.
depression runs my life. makes me do things i
shouldn't do.
depression is that voice in the back of your
head telling you, that you need help.
depression makes you gain weight, loose weight,
not eat, eat too much.. do drugs. give or take a
few.
depression has the feeling of death, without the
dying part.
depression is still killing you even if you have
the best things in the world.
depression isn't just having too little, it's
having too much as well.
depression is never seeing your father happy.
depression is loosing your brother too his
girlfriend.
depression is the killing of the broken pieces
of your heart.
depression is slow motion and fast motion at the
same time.
depression is the illusion that the world has
turned it's back on you and everyone in it.
depression is seeing happiness everywhere you
go.
depression is hoping to survive and hoping not
to at the same time.
depression isn't contemplating suicide, but
wishing you were already there.
depression is when the only thing that cares is
the depression itself.
depression is when you are at school and you
can't remember things you learnt in grade 5.
depression is falling alseep in your favourite
subject.
depression is hating yourself because your
parents hate you.
depression is the hatred of your family.
depression eats your insides witha smile on it's
face.
depression is the look in your eyes when you
wake up in the morning, knowing you have to live
another day.
depression is yourself. you are depression.
depression makes you who you are and who you'll
always never want to be.
depression makes you miss your old self, but
once your better, you miss depression.
but for me, mostly, depression is all of these,
plus, depression is when you have had it so long
that you are scared of who you will be when and
if you get better. you wonder if you could
survive happy and if the happiness would eat
you.
now ask yourself.. do you have depression?
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If you have read all or most of this book by now: you will have
no doubt detected that much of
my purpose ill writing this book is toward one very simple end:
to cause you to stop, to think
things through, and to give yourself some time to reconsider the
forever decision. Given the
limits of our relationship, I hope I have done that much.
Because if I have, then I know that there is at least some
chance that in the time that has passed
since you first picked up this book, your situation may have
begun to change. I hope for the
better.
In the next chapter I will talk to you about how and where you
might want to go for professional
help if your problems persist, but for the moment, I want to
talk to you about time.
I titled this chapter "Time Heals" because time does heal.
Research conducted on people waiting
for counseling or mental health services has demonstrated again
and again that, as near as we can
tell, the mere passage of time leads to an improvement in their
symptoms. Oftentimes, if the
person has waited only a week to a few weeks to see a counselor,
the reasons he or she was so
distressed and requested the appointment will have disappeared
and the person no longer wishes
to pursue professional help. We call this phenomenon spontaneous
recovery.
Spontaneous recovery does not help us explain what happened to
the troubled person and why he
or she is feeling better. He may have shared his problems with a
friend, she may have found a
job, he may have found someone new to love, she may have quit
using drugs on his own, or he
may have spoken to his priest or minister and found relief.
Frankly, we don't really know why
people get better without the professional help they sought. But
thank goodness they do.
What we do know is that, as time passes, many troubled people
begin to feel better and whatever
symptoms they had begin to fade. It may be something the person
does for himself or it may be
that circumstances change for the better and those
circumstances, in and of themselves, put an
end to the crisis.
Maybe it is worthwhile to keep two things in mind. Crises,
including suicidal ones, are time limited.
By its very nature, a crisis cannot go on and on and on.
Something must give. And,
provided you don't kill yourself, something eventually will
give.
With the simple passage of time things may get worse, but with
the same passage of time things
may get better. Unless you can know your future perfectly it
seems to me you cannot know with
any certainty that, in fact, things will get worse. You may
believe things will always get worse,
but that is only a belief, and maybe one of those
not-so-rational ones that go with the logic of
suicidal thinking.
Ordinary People, Ordinary Problems
The second thing you might want to think about is that the
reasons most people give for wanting
to kill themselves are not catastrophic ones. Quite the
contrary. People kill themselves all the
time over ordinary problems.
For whatever reasons you have been thinking about suicide, and
no matter how staggering and
unbearable your problems may seem just now, I know that if you
could see these same problems
from some point in your own future (from a few weeks to a few
months from now) you would -
and I hope will - find them rather small and insignificant. In
retrospect, you may even find the
problems that would have been solved by your suicide laughable.
None of us can predict the future. Anyone of a thousand shifts
can take place in the currents of
our lives. If we are in a crisis, somehow, sooner or later, the
crisis passes, the suicidal thoughts
fade and, like a sudden squall on the surface of a lake, the
winds stop, the waves quiet down, and
a passage opens up where none existed only moments before.
I firmly believe that if you will but put the decision to end
your life off, you will, in the days and
weeks ahead, find fewer and fewer reasons to choose suicide.
What seems so impossible and
unbearable today will, in some future place and time, seem only
a bad memory. How else, I ask
you, can all the millions of people who have given the forever
decision serious consideration still
be alive? |
Suicide Teen Suicide the forever
decision
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